Sometimes I want to jump out and go crazy.  You see those people who get an epiphany, a eureka moment, and then go all out and dominate life.   It’s an essential part of life.  The moment, that tiny spark, the ignition to start the explosion that resonates the rest of your life.

Yea, I got the explosion down, I’m ready, the potential is there.  But… no spark.  It’s like when your 10 years old and you first get your hands on a firecracker.  A legit one too, not those dinky sparkler crap.  Yet, no match, no lighter.  All the explosive power in your tiny 10 year old hands with no fire to spare.

Yeap, that’s me.  So what do you do?  All you can do.  Just start cramming those sticks of power in a bottle cause you want to make the most biggest blast ever when the spark finally comes.  That’s right… the most biggest blast… ever.

So I’m just waiting.  Hopefully I’ll be facing the right direction when it comes.

Congratulations.  You made it this far, you’ve had your share of struggles, battled with self doubt, material doubt, and the doubts of the peers around you.  You still believed in the most ambiguous times of the modern day.  The truth still rings loudly in your heart.

But it’s now time to move on.  To go one step further.

It’s about time too.  There were times I knew you were on the verge of breaking.  It wasn’t those times of hurt and need, you already knew where to go in those times.  It was those “just flowing by” days, those times of apathetic glory, wandering in a dull flame without a purpose, without a goal.  There were just too many of those days.

But you’re done with those days now.  Mediocrity doesn’t suit you.  Better days lie ahead of you.  To be honest, nothing much has changed actually, you still have the same goals, same mission.  But the risks will be much greater, because I know you can handle it, I expect nothing short of greatness from you.  I should know, you’ve been with me for a long time now.  I’ll tell you though, the rewards will be even greater than now, more than what you can even imagine.

So just follow me, and we’ll reach of the ends of the earth, we’ll move mountains, we’ll make history.

It’s time.

- G

Spend on memories.  Not on stuff.

It’ll make you happier.

I wonder.  There are few times in life that things change drastically in an instant, a moment so brief that the brain can’t comprehend a logical path from before to the after.  Even looking back, I feel… distant from it.

What can I do?  Especially if the change initially seems like its for the worse.  Well.. it’s mental chaos for the most part.

Looking back… regrets and the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s”

Looking forward… indecision, hesitation, frustration.

Staying here… just running blind, ignorant.

sigh.  poopy times ahead.

How do parents work?

They can tap into your most inner core, knowing everything about your personality, your thinking, your mentality.  And yet…

they still miss the point?

man, this needs to end already

Congratulations.

You’ve made it.

Spiritual salvation, it’s all yours.

is that it?

Yes.

That’s it.

A trying time in life brings so many different parts of a person together.  Destined to either fail miserably or succeed immensely, we know these struggles are tough.

A story, perhaps, to describe a life.  There’s a boy who jumped off a ledge towards another ledge.  It’s a mighty leap, pushed off with all he might.  He was confident, knowing that before he jumped, he was running at full speed and had enough to carry him.  It was truly a spectacle, time had moved slow as he bathed in the glory of that moment.  The other side is a bit far off, but still he is confident in his jump.  At the peak of his leap, he starts to fall.  He knew this would happen, obviously, it’s not like he can fly. The boy is enjoying the times, he’s in the air and nothing can stop him.  He can imagine the rest of his jump, it’s all planned out in his head.  Already he’s thinking about the accomplishment of reaching the other side and telling it to all his friends.

Then the boy starts to fall faster

and faster

and faster.

He’s still confident, but starts to flap his arms, thinking he could use a little more height.  And on it goes, plummeting down across this distance.  “It’s much farther than I expected,” he thought.  He believed he would still make it, but at the same started flapping his arms faster and quicker.  To his amazement, he thought he rose a bit.  Maybe a little bit.  “That’s good, maybe I’m not falling as much as I think I am.”

And then he realized he hit that mark.

That line.

That crucial significant point where he knew that he wouldn’t make it.  He clawed furiously at the air, hoping for some lift.  “Where did I go wrong,” he thought. Everything in his head had worked it out perfectly, well at least to him.

Right now he’s near the other ledge.  The goal is so close.. so very close.  But just out of reach.  “Flap away, you arms, flap away, I jus need a little more,” he said to himself as his confidence broke down.

He knew now.

He’s not going to make it.

And it’s gonna hurt.

alot.

In his head, he knew he would’ve made it a second time.  But he may not get one.  Should’ve done this.  Would’ve done that.  Could’ve done everything else.

It’s not over yet.  But it will be soon.

The frustrations never end.

What is accomplishment?

Is it that “I finished” feeling, is it that sense of completeness, or is it an actual progress, a physical proof of profit of a person’s literal work?

Is it still an accomplishment when a certain set system says all the hours in the years that have been spent learning and toiling away learning and applying dont count?

Have I gained nothing then?  Maybe I still have, but it could’ve been more.

It’s a sad thing to realize that effort is nothing without recognition.