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What started off like a simple class and project has turned into what amounts to be a monstrosity of sorts.  It’s one of the few times I feel like it was not a matter of my laziness, but of unpreparedness and a never-ending stream of work.  Truly never-ending.

One after another after another after another after another.

Even so, I guess it’s not time to give up just yet.

What the heck am I doing?  What the heck should I be doing?

Oh boy, it’s a mighty confusing time.  Now, the choices that I’m faced with aren’t many, just a handful of possible  destinations that constantly rack my brains and create some life hindering chaos.  Should I keep going on my engineering/business track to satisfy my intellectual curiosities or let it go to pursue to the moral road, living life out on the edge as missionaries do, or let the passions of my artistic right brained hobbies take over to lead a life of successful failures?

I’m beginning to realize it’s the choices that  kill me.

It’s time to change my thinking.  It’s actually kinda tough to determine the life’s purpose when you are in the thick of it.

No crack in the philosophical experience of life.

No thoughts emoting the personal nuances of my existence.

Just… humor.

It’s kind of a dead time.  There are usually three signs that tell me my life is moving ahead.  Challenges, the creation/deepening of relationships, and laughter.  Each of these seem to be lacking these days.  Must be the aging process.  Or just me.

Is it possible to live every single day with significance?

. . .

On a side note…

You know, when it comes down to it, my brain doesn’t say much in words.  A lot of it is pictures, sounds (well music), feelings, and bunch of unorganized memories.  How interesting.

Yea, I got the explosion down, I’m ready, the potential is there.  But… no spark.  It’s like when your 10 years old and you first get your hands on a firecracker.  A legit one too, not those dinky sparkler crap.  Yet, no match, no lighter.  All the explosive power in your tiny 10 year old hands with no fire to spare.

Yeap, that’s me.  So what do you do?  All you can do.  Just start cramming those sticks of power in a bottle cause you want to make the most biggest blast ever when the spark finally comes.  That’s right… the most biggest blast… ever.

So I’m just waiting.  Hopefully I’ll be facing the right direction when it comes.

But it’s now time to move on.  To go one step further.

It’s about time too.  There were times I knew you were on the verge of breaking.  It wasn’t those times of hurt and need, you already knew where to go in those times.  It was those “just flowing by” days, those times of apathetic glory, wandering in a dull flame without a purpose, without a goal.  There were just too many of those days.

But you’re done with those days now.  Mediocrity doesn’t suit you.  Better days lie ahead of you.  To be honest, nothing much has changed actually, you still have the same goals, same mission.  But the risks will be much greater, because I know you can handle it, I expect nothing short of greatness from you.  I should know, you’ve been with me for a long time now.  I’ll tell you though, the rewards will be even greater than now, more than what you can even imagine.

So just follow me, and we’ll reach of the ends of the earth, we’ll move mountains, we’ll make history.

It’s time.

- G

It’ll make you happier.

What can I do?  Especially if the change initially seems like its for the worse.  Well.. it’s mental chaos for the most part.

Looking back… regrets and the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s”

Looking forward… indecision, hesitation, frustration.

Staying here… just running blind, ignorant.

sigh.  poopy times ahead.

They can tap into your most inner core, knowing everything about your personality, your thinking, your mentality.  And yet…

they still miss the point?